Life Coaching For Christians

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

What I've Learned From Fariytales - Avoiding And/Or Escaping Victim & Entitlement Mentalities

Things I learned from Cinderella and a Prince.

Many people today have a victim mentality, and an entitlement mentality, or both. Throughout my life, I have encountered this time and time again. The victim and entitlement mentality mindsets are highly addictive. It affects both the person troubled with these negative mindsets and those they come into contact with.

A victim mentality can be thought of as a sick addictive cycle of perpetual misery. It happens when an individual encounters an injustice, real or perceived, done to them. Victim mentality individuals (VMI) will become angry – sad – depressed and repeat the cycle. They never take positive steps to overcome the obstacle of the injustice and find healing. VMI’s become rooted in self inflicted misery and fertilize their lack of development, by blaming anything or anyone they can point a finger at. VMI’s, at best, embrace just enough constructive material around them to sustain life. However, they never take in enough positive substance for personal growth or move on with their lives.

If they take any action at all, the action is usually of a harmful nature. The actions of VMI’s are usually to create more victims. VMI’s allow anger, rage, and hurt to build to such a point that they create a regrettable venom of envy and self-loathing, which not only poisons themselves, but others as well. Out of this poison comes a hierarchy that most VMI’s embrace – “he who steps upon others gets stepped upon the least.” A VMI will bully others both physically and emotionally.

Take a look at Cinderella’s step-sisters. Unhappy with their own physical attributes and personal talents, Cinderella’s step sisters became VMI’s. They felt victimized by Cinderella’s attributes and talents. Cinderella’s sisters felt that such attributes and talents were better suited for someone else – like them. Cinderella sisters felt it was an injustice that Cinderella should have these attributes and talents. Therefore, to rise above the injustice done to them, Cinderella’s sisters stepped all over poor Cinderella each and everyday.

Cinderella was the perfect candidate for having a victim mentality. Cinderella could have thrown a daily pity party for herself. Her step-mother did not like her, her step-sisters treated her with contempt, she was dirty and filthy, she was the family slave and she did not even have a bed to sleep in. However, Cinderella never gave into the temptation of embracing a victim mentality.

Now let’s talk about Entitlement Mentality Individuals [or EMI’s]. I learned from the Prince, that no one is entitled to anything that is not given freely to them or earned. There are many, in today’s society, that feel they are entitled to whatever they can imagine. Entitlement mentality is the perceived right somebody believes they have to do or receive something. Entitlement mentality starts out as a desire to do or receive something. There is nothing wrong with desiring something or wanting to receive something, especially if a person has worked to earn it or someone gives it freely to somebody. However, some people fixate on what they desire to do or want to the point that they believe that it is their divine right to have that desire. In effect they become an EMI. Both Cinderella step-mother and step-sisters believed that the step-sisters had the right to marry the prince. Keep in mind that they never consulted the Prince about this right, but never-the-less each were totally convinced of this “perceived right.” Nor, did it really matter what the Prince thought about the matter, because the step-sisters just knew he was the destined to marry them.

Let’s take a closer look at EMI’s. An EMI, when invited to dinner, have a tendency to run to the head of the table and are often embarrassed when they are re-seated near the end of the table. EMI’s are not satisfied with just being invited to sit at the table. Such was the case when the Prince came to find the owner of the slipper - Cinderella. Cinderella’s step-mother and sisters ran to the head of the line, but they did not fit the slipper. They where not what the good Prince was looking for and he knew it, even as both step-sisters tried on the slipper. Reality finally hit the step-mother and the step-sisters as Cinderella was brought forward. At that point, Cinderella’s step-sisters found themselves, so to speak, re-seated to the rear of the table. Cinderella was the right fit for the Prince. Despite her rags and untidy appearance, the Prince knew she was the right one, even as Cinderella put on the slipper.

VMI’s often have entitlement mentalities and vice versa. It is like a dog chasing its tail. It is a vicious circle of dizzy motion and frustration which takes the victim nowhere. The VMI’s simply grows tired and rarely catches their entitlement tail. And when they do catch their entitlement tail, the VMI’s do not know what to do with it. Soon the victim lets go of the entitlement tail and the warped chase begins again.

No one should give into having a Victim’s Mentality. Each person has wonderful gifts and unique talents that will take them places that they would have never imagined, if only they would just apply them. Yes bad things may have occurred in a person’s life, but that is ok. Bad things happen and guess what, bad things will happen again in everyone’s life. But instead of being a victim, people need to learn to use difficult circumstances as a motivation to grow. A victim feels entitled to things they have not earned or freely received from another. A non-victim will overcome. As an over comer, a non-victim will simply earn what they are entitled to and with that, comes a sense of accomplishment that motivates one to achieve even more. Do not be a victim in chase of your entitlement tail. It is frivolous and makes the person look just plain ridiculous. Instead focus on becoming an over comer and go hard after your dreams - instead of going after your tail!

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